2024-8-21: With Nothing Else To Do
Today I find myself somewhere different. Today I find myself with my hands at the keyboard of a tablet rather than a laptop, since not only am I grounded from my laptop at the moment, but I find myself with nothing else to do with my remaining time in advisory. So I find myself, sitting at a desk at 1224, tapping away at a screen’s keyboard to fill out a word document instead of a .txt file.So, if I’m not drawing, watching a YouTube video, sleeping, or doing math, why go here instead of reading my book? It’s easy, really. Really easy.
There’s nothing more sorrowful than loss. And even if I didn’t know much about that character, he was my favorite one in this book. And he ends up throwing himself in the tracks of an oncoming train.
I’ll be honest no matter how cheesy it sounds, but I did shed tears for this man. And blew my nose. It was… it was a shocker. He was a good person. And if you’ve read any of my previous entries—namely, “My COD shirt collection and other things,” you’d probably know what book I’m crying over. So that’s why I won’t even say his name. All you need to know is that he was a male, he was my favorite character, and he wasn’t even the main character. I don’t like the main duo, anyways…
I’m honestly just lost now… I need to read that book and finish it’s 433 pages by September 16, but I just… the shock was so much I don’t know if I want to? I’ll get around to doing so tomorrow, don’t get me wrong. But… really?
Feels bad, in the worst way possible.
And, to shift to a lighter topic, another bad thing could be that I’m practically grounded, as I said. Dad says I need to complete every assignment, past-due and freshly-given. He says if I don’t have everything submitted by Friday at 10PM every week, he’ll ground me for a week. It might seem tame to the uncaring half of myself that rather die than do work, but the part of me that’s screen-reliant and the part of me that fears my dad says, “You gotta do it. Who cares if you don’t want to?”
Because doing my schoolwork, going to school and getting good grades, is what my job is. I guess? But my grades aren’t good… I’m not fitting the role of an Asian…
And, I guess that’s not all. Because now ever since my dad found me walking with [Day] on the way home, I guess my mom and dad know. Know that I have a boyfriend. But I’d never call it “dating,” because it’s too humiliating to the immature… boyish part of my mind? But maybe it doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t really matter when my parents joke about it all the time, about me having a boyfriend.
I don’t think they like him…?
I don’t have much on my mind now, but if I decide to continue this entry after-school, I’ll say so. But for now, advisory is slowly coming to a close, and I should pack up. I’ll see this soon. You, soon.