2024-8-10: My COD shirt collection and other things

Today I collected all the COD shirts they sold at my Hot Topic.

ghost are you proud of me/j

Anyways uh so yeah. That means we went to the mall today. Before then I was woken up and told we were going to a Korean Restaurant. I sat there eating at a Korean BBQ with one of my Ghost shirts on. Guys I don't have a problem. Trust!!!

After everyone had their fill was THEN we went to the mall. And I bought that shirt. It was apparently on clearance, that shirt. SO rather than paying 23 bucks I paid a good... 16!! But that genuinely made me wonder. Like do the 14-year-olds on Tiktok still care about Call of Duty LOL. Because I do, I really do. Even if I'm too scared to even touch the games (again), like it's still interesting to me. Maybe yeah, I am a weird little simp for some of the guys, but like military-oriented media kinda interested me ever since I got back into Mega Man sometime in maybe 2023. It always seemed so cool and badass and it always made me feel like a gushing wannabe badass whenever I thought about it. Oh, and then my boyfriend's all about that military shit, wanting to join when he's older and doing airsoft a lot. And he always talks about guns and wars and history... like I understand absolutely nothing about it. But it's alrighty.

On multiple occasions today I also wanted to message my friend? But like I always decided against it because I slowly kinda thought I didn't want anything to do with her anymore. She's always disappearing with her own boyfriend and- well, sure. I'm being a bitchy little hypocrite, always doing the same with my own. But she does it by choice, and I follow my beloved around cause I don't want to hurt his feelings and go off to see her.

No cause, like... I'm sometimes like "hey lets go see gianna and uh yeah lets go see her!!!" and he's like "no" and he tugs me by the back of my backpack if I try and go off. I don't want to not listen to him when he does that since I get scared I might hurt his feelings and all. I usually have to tread carefully around him because I feel like he's the kind to be fragile/sensitive deep under all the stoicism he displays. I've seen it be proven on multiple occasions online that he is. And he seemed to struggle with things that make it worse anyways so like. I can't really do anything against what he wants, it feels. Cause then I'd feel really shitty for hurting his feelings.

...??? Sorry for the tangent? I forgot where I was... eaaack

oh yeah!! Gianna... nah I don't want anything to do with her for the time being. So, Gianna, when you're reading this, yeah... I don't wanna talk to you. Go have fun with your twink-ass boyfriend lolz!!! and stay out

Pretty much now my life feels like it's in a constant state of mundane stasis, the only new and exciting thing in my life being my AP English class and the book I chose to read for it- Scythe by Neal Shusterman... because genuinely? I am only three-and-a-half chapters in and it's so BOMB-DOT-COM. But you know how SHITTY that world sounds? In a world where your only escape is to be gleaned by a scythe... you can't die unless it's by your hand. You HAVE to be taken to a revival center if you die somehow, whether it be jumping off a building or whatever, and even then you can't die of old age. It makes me wonder if you can get away with killing yourself if you have no one and you hang yourself somewhere where people would never guess. It's cool, that humanity found a way to one-up nature and steal it's grasp of the life cycle, but if your morality no longer seems relevant, what's the point in living? No sickness, no death--natural or otherwise excluding the gleaning by a scythe-- you practically can live on for centuries without anything getting in your way. In a way it makes life dull, because anything you want to do has no time limit and can pretty much be done later, no matter how long later is. You practically have forever for everything.

I'd say that the best thing you could do in life is live it to the fullest. In this world, your capacity has been removed and you can never become "full." It seems so pointless.

Sorry for going on like that, but it's my thoughts and if that's what I want to write about then... I shall. But it still feels out-of-place, haha.

So, directing the topic to something else, today I might make the writing page. The writing page will look a lot like this one, but it'll be where every other writing piece I make lives. So... stories I never finish, story ideas, random thoughts, the works. I thought it'd be fun to have somewhere to share my work where pretty much no-one will see, since it's my site. My site is really obscure, in reference to other sites that somehow get viewed so much. So no one but Gianna will see them since she always stalks my... my everything.

Right now I'm just sitting here writing this entry while my ears relish in the sound that is the music of Nona Reeves. I love now.

And here's my seamless closure. I'll be seeing you! This is the end of the entry~