2024-7-28: We were there

Hellooooooooooooooo school. The first week passed by and the weekend's almost up. Axel- pray tell, what happened those three business days?

I guess there was a lot, yet nothing at the same time. For one, I get the same elective I had last year: Computer Science. So while I have to go though everything a second time, yay me! Everything was really easy anyways- AND I get to play games when I'm done. Awesome life tip: get into Computer Science if you like playing games.

Another thing would be that my first three classes are also my most fun classes. Can you believe it? I mean- Phys. Ed for 4th period. The sheer horror. And then I have US History right after that. At least math is 6th period, since for some reason math teachers are always one of the funnest teachers at my school, at least for me. 6th period was a blast, AND I sit with all guys. All I'm missing is my boyfriend, who I don't share any classes with whatsoever.

Yeah... like, my main friend group has each other in some classes, and I have NO ONE from said group. Luckily for me I have familiar faces I like in my classes. but I just... really miss that friend group. Of course, my boyfriend especially. Cause I kinda suck. I dunno.

Speaking of him, on Friday I kinda upset him because the day before that day we were supposed to walk with each other on the way back, right? But since I'm a coward and for some reason I'm scared of seeing him outside of school, I didn't stop and basically left him there...

I felt bad, and then made up some excuse like "I forgot" because I didn't think he'd like the truth of "I was just really scared!!" But looking back on it now, the truth was much better and understandable than "I forgot." By a mile. Two. Around the world!

And then the day after that, I saw him in front of me so I stopped a whole lot to avoid interacting with him. Then I started walking until he was out of my sight. When I got home he texted me and he seemed pretty upset, and then I felt bad cause then he straight up said "fuck you"

And then I began to shit-talk myself talking about how my shyness ruins everything for him and that he should find someone that isn't as pussy as I am

we dont talk about that

he says i do it a lot though

i always do that when i feel really bad

we kinda um we kinda got better after the party i went to though i guess but the feeling he's mad at me for it still lingers. like he says not to worry about it and that he already "let go" of it but knowing him i just cant be convinced of that

,,

sorry

i guess that's all though i mean i could talk about lunch but all i do is walk around and talk to my friends maybe mess around a little

there was one day i really liked where it was just me him and my best friend's boyfriend and it was really fun

i wanna do that again

sorry sebastian for all the stuff i fuck up though

just because i get all scared and shy when i see you and avoid you it doesnt mean i hate you

and im sorry for the fact you do most the things in this relationship

at least its how it feels from where i stand

the tone shifted from where i wanted it and now its really awkward sorry reader.